Dear "Heroes": FUCK YOU, we're over.

Dear "Heroes"

You've jumped the shark.
Actually,"Heroes", you've jumped the shark more times then Ecco the fucking dolphin.
In the course of one episode, no, make that every episode starting with the season one finale, you have fucked me, over and over again, and just when I was about done just when I was "almost there" you pulled out zipped up and said "To Be Continued."
No. We-will-NOT continue.
Now, I'm a forgiving TV watcher, in very much the same way that I'm a forgiving battered house-husband. Knock me around as much as you want; I'll always come back if the mood's the same and the cock's still hot.
The mood: Serialized drama-rama with super-dupa-powers by the hour.
The cock: Peter Petrelli with emo-shock-locks.
Easy, sexy, 42 minutes a week, BAM.
Lately, though?
Not so much with the BAM.
More with the cheese, and the snark, and the self-aware and the characters nobody cares about anymore, dude, what's WITH you?
You started out fine as hell--A team of international homies realizing they're punch-drunk with superpowers?
IDEAL.
Giving these characters an entire season to hook it up?
HOT.
Squandering that hook up quicker then a prom date forgetting the condoms at the party?
BULL. SHIT.
You came back for Season Two and I was all like "Kool, whatever,", cause you promised something new.
But I didn't get new.
WE didn't get new; we got "Spy Kids 2" instead of "Empire Strikes Back", we got "2 Fast 2 Furiouis" when "The Incredible Hulk" woulda sufficed; we opened our arms to you and you squatted in between them and shat upon us again and again and again;
Giving us half the cast of "The Wire", only to ignore them, (JUST like the Emmy's!)
air dropping Kristen Bell and giving her dialogue Helen Keller couldn't stutter with a straight face,
Killing your cast, then bringing them back to life
Killing your cast, then bringing them back to life
Killing your audience, it ain't right it ain't right it ain't RIGHT.
NOW.
HERE'S what we finna DO.
First, you're going to give me back my comic-book-show virginity so I can save it for a BETTER show with morals and what-such; I got class, see?
Then, you're gonna apologize to all my friends because I have STUCK UP for you ANY TIME one of my homies has stated the truth about WHAT YOU DO WHEN I'M NOT AROUND.
Finally?
FINALLY?
....You're going to get better. You're not gonna fuck up again. You're gonna come back, next week, promise me something bigger, better, anything, baby, give me drama give me comedy give me a proposal I can wave around on my TIVO and show off, gimme SOMETHING.
Cause I'm not giving up on you.
I don't know how.
Now you get better.
And I'll see you next week.

P.S
Don't think I won't leave your ass if you ain't right when LOST comes back,
cause I can
I have before
and I'll do it in a humming-bird-heart-beat if you don't pull yourself TOGETHER.
...Love you baby.
Sometimes.
....Only sometimes.....