Get "LOST"-Season 5, Ep.1

So. I'm breaking down the season opener--but for everybody who knows nothing about "Lost"--let me attempt to recap.
Previously on LOST
Ok so Flight 815 crashed on this uncharted island full of booby traps and never-aging cults and CGI smoke monsters that only come around during sweeps season ANYWAY the homies on the island banded together lead by Jack (who's this doctor with daddy issues and a tattoo put on his chest by Bai Ling from Star Wars anyway he's so over that) cause they all wanna go home, right,
WRONG
cause the island is off the map and may be trapped in the past and there's this crazy chica who's like Xena's post-menopausal-shady-aunt

-named Rosseu--who's been on the island for YEARS,
just like Desmond (who was told to press a button every 108 minutes or else) anyway WHATEVER, nobody can leave (omg!) BECAUSE of the "Dhrama Initiative" (Drama Initiate) who be doing all these TESTS and shit (with polar bears and sharks and neilson ratings) and time travel (oh yeah, oh yeah, it GOES there.)
So 6 people got off the island last season (Go Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, Aaron)
The Oceanic Six,
and we're all like "they should be happy, right; Mcdonalds, cars, warm sheets, Obama's president; they should be fucking happy, right?) WRONG
because
.....Well actually nobody knows yet.
Moving on.

"LOST: FIFTH SEASON PREMIERE"

Bye flashbacks.
Hello cluster-fucked-space-time-continuum-melodrama.
Smart move; now, we no longer have to sit through flashbacks that reveal Locke aided pot farmers (come on, you know some of those flashbacks were so whack.)
Whatever.
I LOVE the fact that the island's movinig through time. For the first time since season one, all the characters are completely clueless--pawns to the elements; the powers that be.
No kitchen.
No hatch.
Hell, no fire; nothing but the clothes on their backs and the fear in their eyes.
The time-warp also allows us to (hopefully) get the facts behind the islands most mind-fucking-tendancies:
Like the Smoke Monster.
Like the Black Freighter.
That hot latino-looking-brother who never ages, the one that helped Locke, (come on you know who I mean)-Yeah, whats up with him?!
........
Moving on.
Sun's evil.
Like, working for Widmore evil,
like femme-fatale-esque-interntional-Bond-girl-golden-era
Evil;
I'm liking it.
What about Sayid?
I want my dishwasher to dispatch dastardly dudes like THAT.
Damn!
I LOVE the action on "Lost." It's so balls-to-the-walls-kick-your-ass-pose-for-the-camera-90's-pazazz I scream like a little bitch when the fight scenes start and I cry for standing O's when they finish.
Now.
What the fuck is up with white-witch-Harry-Potter bitch up in the clocktower?!?!?!
Is she Danial Faraday's mother?
His baby's mother?
His baby's mother's constant?
A leftover lesbo from the L word, WHAT; I wanna know.
(Besides, I love that actress, she looks like she could take down Judi Dench in a Brooklyn backyard bar fight).
Finally:
Is this not one of the best shows on TV?
The season premiere made me gasp and laugh and clap my hands and think, think, think.
For the next 14 weeks, Wednesday's will totally rock.
Ikeout