PREVIOUSLY:
So the Oceanic Six went back to the island to save their homies BUT little did they know that their homies had become part of the Dharma Initavie with freakycreepy jobs like Janitor (Sawyer) Mechanic (Juliet) and DharmaDramaCamp Babysistter (Daniel FaraGay in full-on Benjamin Button mode) ANYWAY Locke's alive and all vision-questy, the redheadednosebleeder is dead (not like Locke-dead; like Shannon dead, like Eko dead, like Michelle Rodrigez's career dead) and some baby was born on the island and Rose and Bernard are probably totally fucked and Guyliner's looking finer then ever (and might be older then Larry King) maybe he should have a show but there's no TV on the island at least no internet just the smoke monster (W.t.f is the smoke monster) oh who cares fuck this noise I'm LOST.
.....................
TELL IS LIKE IT IS:
First of all, 1977 Ben is like Harry Potter's dark and mortally fucked up twin.
Same glasses, some hair, same "Destiny" obsession (shouldn't Ben be all up with the "Star Wars" trivia and his rubic-cube collection, I mean come-on)--kid is FUCKED UP.
....But not the most fucked up character on this show.
At least, not this episode.
Let's list them, from least to most.
5.
Sun and Lapeduis and Ben: VENGANCE MISSION!
Sun is ALL about the drama.
She ain't putting up shit with NObody.
Y'all saw her lay the smack-down on Ben. Bitch is CRAZY for Jin and will stop at nothing.
I also dug how Lapedius
1. Went all Sully on that TitanicShip and landed on the runway (the same one Ben Had Sawyer and Kate build in Season Three)--dude deserves a medal.
2. Got bored on leading the survivors and basically said "peace out y'all" as he went to follow Sun.
3. Was the only person with sense enough to tell somebody NOT to trust Ben. Jesus, don't these people ever read my blog?
Their final confrontation with GhostDad Christian was totally badass too.
And did anybody catch Claire in the background?
Right when Sun is looking at the picture of the "Namaste" crew.
Don't you wish you had DVR?
4. Juliet-The Sane ONE
Her slow realization that the child she was holding was none other then DharmaBaby Ethan (Which I totally figured out last "Get Lost"; I'm telling y'all I'm a Maverick Maverl with this shit)--was a perfect bit of acting and totally non-annoying.
Also, her "it's in the laundry" aside to Sawyer was a great example of their relationship.
AND--her swoop-in to save Kate from TOTALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP during her Dharma interview.
Juliet is a Golden Godess.
3. Sawyer and Jack-The Leading Men
Love the role-reversal with "Man of Science" Jack and "Man of Six Pack" Sawyer.
Even though the Churchill comment was a little too bizaree to be belived, Sawyer seems to have his shit together--
HOWEVER
I think Jack did a fine job steering everybody clear of catastrophe in the early days. I mean, w.t.f was the guy supposed to do?
Sawyer's got a lot on his plate, and his promise to free Sayid will clearly be an epic-fall (judging be next week's previews.)
At least we didn't have to sit through long scenes of Jack and Sawyer staring at Kate from diffrent directions as the score throbbed and Kate's nappy hair blew in the sea-wind.
Oh, wait.
WE DID.
2.
Miles and Hurley--The bumbling clusterfucks.
Mile's in full on Dharma mode makes perfect sense. His rat-like tendencies and general shadiness make perfect sense when surrounded by a group of people who treat shadiness as a suntan lotion.
Miles is straight, right? Because in 3 years--you would THINK--he'd find some Dharma Intern to go down on in the interim.
I mean, he can talk to ghosts, right? Maybe he could engage in some of those after-life-orgasms that are so popular on "Grey's Anatomy" this season (not to mention "Ghost Whisperer").
Hmmm.
Anyway, I wonder what Hurley's new job is going to be. Everything he touches seems to turn to shit. I'm suprised he didn't blow the lid on the whole operation ("Who's the president in 1977?!") and send everybody back to square one.
Hurley? The answer you're looking for is Jimmy Carter.
Hindsight is 20/20.
And, finally, THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON on Last Night's LOST was--
1.
Kate-the Medea without a Mind
.....W.T.F is up with this chica, I mean FOR REAL.
Girl needs to pound down one of those 5 hour energy drinks or drink some coffee or do a line (come on, it's the 70's) but PLEASE woman WAKE-UP.
Not everyone is wooed by your whispery line readings.
Not everyone likes your "me too can do" attitude.
Shiiiit.
Even Sawyer's had enough of AssFreckles; y'all saw that ugly 70's Mama and the Papa's shirt he gave Kate, as if to say "cover up you sleazy hootch."
For a former wannabee con-woman, Kate couldn't even think of a decent lie during her Dharma interview. Didn't she escape a hospital in a police car?
Didn't she set a house on fire?
Didn't she wear a blonde wig?!?!
If this bitch thinks she's the next Alias she's got a lotta shit to learn.
Kate's a babykiller, a cheater, a liar, and not a naturaul burnettte.
Just telling it like it is.
CALL IT LIKE YOU SEE IT:
SAYID-
So Sayid's in deep shit. Why did the island put him in the 70's and leave Sun and Ben and Lapedius in the 00's?
Poor guy. He's always forced to remember the fact that he tourtued/improsined innocent people for the majority of his life. Everytime he thinks he's hit a new rhytym (like voulenetering for GreenPeace off the island) he's sucked right back into the cycle.
I think we'll get a big old flashback episode with him next week.
THE NEW SURVIVORS
I'm glad Casear is their new leader, because he seems INSANE.
Oh well. Now the show has 48 new people to kill in the most random ways possible--I wanna see some fuckers get snacked on by the Smoke Monster, or at least get pulled into BlackWidowHaterKate's web of death.
ROSE AND BERNARD
Where the fuck are they?!?!!
I hope they didn't turn into those Adam and Eve skeletons.
WE NEED their middle aged desperation and general "Gilligans Island" drama!
Or maybe...they were abduced by the 70's Other's (not the other-others but the other-other-OTHERS)--the hostiles.
And what's up with new DharmaBabyEthan? Is Kate going to go all Madea on that shit to protect the future? Will Juliet and Kate get in another handcuffed fistacuff? WHERE'S DANIEL FARADAY call child protection, call Libby, call WAAAAAAAAAAAAALT call Michael (oh wait he's dead, no wait he hasn't been born yet, no, wait) oh fuck this noise I'm LOST.
So the Oceanic Six went back to the island to save their homies BUT little did they know that their homies had become part of the Dharma Initavie with freakycreepy jobs like Janitor (Sawyer) Mechanic (Juliet) and DharmaDramaCamp Babysistter (Daniel FaraGay in full-on Benjamin Button mode) ANYWAY Locke's alive and all vision-questy, the redheadednosebleeder is dead (not like Locke-dead; like Shannon dead, like Eko dead, like Michelle Rodrigez's career dead) and some baby was born on the island and Rose and Bernard are probably totally fucked and Guyliner's looking finer then ever (and might be older then Larry King) maybe he should have a show but there's no TV on the island at least no internet just the smoke monster (W.t.f is the smoke monster) oh who cares fuck this noise I'm LOST.
.....................
TELL IS LIKE IT IS:
First of all, 1977 Ben is like Harry Potter's dark and mortally fucked up twin.
Same glasses, some hair, same "Destiny" obsession (shouldn't Ben be all up with the "Star Wars" trivia and his rubic-cube collection, I mean come-on)--kid is FUCKED UP.
....But not the most fucked up character on this show.
At least, not this episode.
Let's list them, from least to most.
5.
Sun and Lapeduis and Ben: VENGANCE MISSION!
Sun is ALL about the drama.
She ain't putting up shit with NObody.
Y'all saw her lay the smack-down on Ben. Bitch is CRAZY for Jin and will stop at nothing.
I also dug how Lapedius
1. Went all Sully on that TitanicShip and landed on the runway (the same one Ben Had Sawyer and Kate build in Season Three)--dude deserves a medal.
2. Got bored on leading the survivors and basically said "peace out y'all" as he went to follow Sun.
3. Was the only person with sense enough to tell somebody NOT to trust Ben. Jesus, don't these people ever read my blog?
Their final confrontation with GhostDad Christian was totally badass too.
And did anybody catch Claire in the background?
Right when Sun is looking at the picture of the "Namaste" crew.
Don't you wish you had DVR?
4. Juliet-The Sane ONE
Her slow realization that the child she was holding was none other then DharmaBaby Ethan (Which I totally figured out last "Get Lost"; I'm telling y'all I'm a Maverick Maverl with this shit)--was a perfect bit of acting and totally non-annoying.
Also, her "it's in the laundry" aside to Sawyer was a great example of their relationship.
AND--her swoop-in to save Kate from TOTALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP during her Dharma interview.
Juliet is a Golden Godess.
3. Sawyer and Jack-The Leading Men
Love the role-reversal with "Man of Science" Jack and "Man of Six Pack" Sawyer.
Even though the Churchill comment was a little too bizaree to be belived, Sawyer seems to have his shit together--
HOWEVER
I think Jack did a fine job steering everybody clear of catastrophe in the early days. I mean, w.t.f was the guy supposed to do?
Sawyer's got a lot on his plate, and his promise to free Sayid will clearly be an epic-fall (judging be next week's previews.)
At least we didn't have to sit through long scenes of Jack and Sawyer staring at Kate from diffrent directions as the score throbbed and Kate's nappy hair blew in the sea-wind.
Oh, wait.
WE DID.
2.
Miles and Hurley--The bumbling clusterfucks.
Mile's in full on Dharma mode makes perfect sense. His rat-like tendencies and general shadiness make perfect sense when surrounded by a group of people who treat shadiness as a suntan lotion.
Miles is straight, right? Because in 3 years--you would THINK--he'd find some Dharma Intern to go down on in the interim.
I mean, he can talk to ghosts, right? Maybe he could engage in some of those after-life-orgasms that are so popular on "Grey's Anatomy" this season (not to mention "Ghost Whisperer").
Hmmm.
Anyway, I wonder what Hurley's new job is going to be. Everything he touches seems to turn to shit. I'm suprised he didn't blow the lid on the whole operation ("Who's the president in 1977?!") and send everybody back to square one.
Hurley? The answer you're looking for is Jimmy Carter.
Hindsight is 20/20.
And, finally, THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON on Last Night's LOST was--
1.
Kate-the Medea without a Mind
.....W.T.F is up with this chica, I mean FOR REAL.
Girl needs to pound down one of those 5 hour energy drinks or drink some coffee or do a line (come on, it's the 70's) but PLEASE woman WAKE-UP.
Not everyone is wooed by your whispery line readings.
Not everyone likes your "me too can do" attitude.
Shiiiit.
Even Sawyer's had enough of AssFreckles; y'all saw that ugly 70's Mama and the Papa's shirt he gave Kate, as if to say "cover up you sleazy hootch."
For a former wannabee con-woman, Kate couldn't even think of a decent lie during her Dharma interview. Didn't she escape a hospital in a police car?
Didn't she set a house on fire?
Didn't she wear a blonde wig?!?!
If this bitch thinks she's the next Alias she's got a lotta shit to learn.
Kate's a babykiller, a cheater, a liar, and not a naturaul burnettte.
Just telling it like it is.
CALL IT LIKE YOU SEE IT:
SAYID-
So Sayid's in deep shit. Why did the island put him in the 70's and leave Sun and Ben and Lapedius in the 00's?
Poor guy. He's always forced to remember the fact that he tourtued/improsined innocent people for the majority of his life. Everytime he thinks he's hit a new rhytym (like voulenetering for GreenPeace off the island) he's sucked right back into the cycle.
I think we'll get a big old flashback episode with him next week.
THE NEW SURVIVORS
I'm glad Casear is their new leader, because he seems INSANE.
Oh well. Now the show has 48 new people to kill in the most random ways possible--I wanna see some fuckers get snacked on by the Smoke Monster, or at least get pulled into BlackWidowHaterKate's web of death.
ROSE AND BERNARD
Where the fuck are they?!?!!
I hope they didn't turn into those Adam and Eve skeletons.
WE NEED their middle aged desperation and general "Gilligans Island" drama!
Or maybe...they were abduced by the 70's Other's (not the other-others but the other-other-OTHERS)--the hostiles.
And what's up with new DharmaBabyEthan? Is Kate going to go all Madea on that shit to protect the future? Will Juliet and Kate get in another handcuffed fistacuff? WHERE'S DANIEL FARADAY call child protection, call Libby, call WAAAAAAAAAAAAALT call Michael (oh wait he's dead, no wait he hasn't been born yet, no, wait) oh fuck this noise I'm LOST.
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