Thursday, November 5, 2009

Get "LOST"-Season 5, Ep.5

Previously on "Lost":
(Try this in one breath, people.)
OK so six survivors escaped the island via helicopter only to find that their lives basically suck without polar bears and dharma beer and WAAAAAAAAAAAALT so they decide to high-tail it back to the island so their lives will be worth a damn but DRAMA they all have to go back and some of them have gotten FUCKED-UP like Hurley's crazy(ier) Sayid's all Greenpeace and Sun's gone Vengeance Mission SO it's up to Ben (former frienemy and total dharma-drama magnet) to get them back where they belong or else the friends they left behind will be forever LOST.
.......
RECAP
Meanwhile, the Island 6-(In order of least annoying) Juliet Sawyer Miles Faraday Locke and the redheaded nosebleeder-are totally Lost In Space (and time) and are constantly jumping back to the future.
Personally, I love the time jumps. I love the brightwhitelight I love the sound effect and I LOVE that, with every jump, the redheadednosebleeder get's further and further away from LIFE ITSELF.
I tried to like her.
I tried to support her odd accent and general Lucy-from-Narnia vibe (she's ALL about jumping back through the wardrobe!)
-but, alas, she's a one-toss-albatross; this season she's done NOTHING but poop red makeup out of her nose and STEAL my man, Daniel Faraday.
Who's smoking hot.
Like, hotter then a poptart fresh outta the toaster he's-
Nevermind.
More on her later.
This episode introduced us to '88 era Roseau, who's totally more chill then '03 era Roseau.
Really. Who would you rather go on a boat trip with?
A plucky twenty something with a pothead's haircut
or
THE WILD THING.
.....I'd pick the former.
'88-era-R was all about helping Jin, even though her homies were all like "he's weird and foreign and puffy faced".
Turns out Jin totally saved Rosseau!
Instead of letting her jump down the smoke-monster's-hole (eeew), he prevented her from being mind-fucked by Big Smoky.
Speaking of Smoky.
Turns out he's totally capeable of controlling people's minds!
Crazy shit.
So THAT'S the sickness that took away Rosseau's crew.
It wasn't the time travel nose-bleeding thing; the sickness is the SmokeMonster.
Hmmmm.......
Anyway, Jin jumped back (or forward?) in time, meeting up with the Island 6.
(New Annoying Chart: Juliet, Sawyer, Miles, Jin, Faraday, Locke, redheadednosebleeder still in last place)
Well, minus Locke.
After trying to get back to the Orchid, Locke jumps down a hole into a well--
and dissapears in time, leaving only a limp rope behind.
Dra-ma.
But y'all KNOW we ain't seen the last of locke.
Jacob (or Jack's Dad, or, fuck, I don't know)--informs him of his destiny.
He needs to get everyone back to the island--
and he has to die.
SAY WHAT?!?!!
Finally, the time jumps seemed to totally push redheadednosebleeder to DEATH.
Beaten by the migranie induced flashes, she collasped into the arms of my boyfriend and,
with nary a tissue or a hankerchief,
snotted out her final clue:
She's been to the island before.
Which means my theory (of people who've been on the island the longest being the most affected by the flashbacks)--is true.
I'm a Golden God.
Or at least a plastic one.
..........................
OBSERVATIONS
-Bye redheadednosebleeder. We know thee too well.
-How hot is Faraday?
-Juliet needs more stuff to do.
-We learn something new about the smoke monster every time we see him, it, her, er, anyway.
-Maybe Jacob IS the smoke monster? Like...he takes over people's bodies and...makes them do stuff and...he's like a spirit or a ghost or an essence or a shadow (or Casper?) oh whatever fuck this I'm LOST.
-ikeblog



WILL.SHE.EVER.DIE?!

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