PREVIOUSLY ON LOST:
(All in one breath, people.)
So all these homies crashed on an island like three years ago and theres polar bears and smoke monsters and inter-racial-radical-relationships (it GOES there) anyway just when these people think all the drama's finally done with they meet up with Dharma homies who are all like "we're others" but then we realize that they're other-others and their leader is Ben, well, BEN'S all about destiny so when 6 of the plane crash homies leave Ben goes all Gandalf and summons them into a fellowship to go BACK to the island they got AWAY from to save their frienemy's get an emmy and maybe, MAYBE--Find out what happened to Rose and Bernard.
TELL IT LIKE IT IS:
Look, I don't HATE Kate.
I think she's a mildly interesting character who gets a lot more screen time then she deserves--but I don't HATE her.
I hate Rachel from "Friends". I hate the cast of "The O.C". Bush. Star Jones. Hitler.
I don't HATE Kate.
...That being said, Kate episodes are always the weakest.
It's, like, a rule.
Last nights episode? Maybe the weakest of the season, but still, I didn't hate it. And, a weak episode of LOST is usually better then anything else on TV (As far as, oh, I don't know, THE PEABODY AWARDS say.)-So I was totally fine with "Whatever Happened, Happened."
Now, I know my Madea meandering about Kate was totally unjusitifed, but still, when Kate was dragging Aaron around town I thought she was totally gonna throw him out of a window.
Come on.
Aaron's a whiny little brat (who eats better then I do) and Kate looked like she wanted to throw down on his sassy ass; if not Madea style then at LEAST "Mommie Dearest" esque.
But she didn't.
Turns out Kate's a far better Mother then we give her credit for.
Yes, she selfishly stole Aaron so she would have a skin-tight alibi, but she cared for him for three years--who DOES that?
Oh, that's right.
Kate does.
Now, I could mention the appearance of the hot chick from the long-con, Clarie's Grandma, etc, etc, but I think that's giving this subplot a little too much praise.
(And, let's face it. That "Long Con" chick was probably just excited to get some work, has anybody else seen her in ANYTHING besides LOST?) Didn't think so.
Meanwhile, Hurley and Miles did a wonderful job having the exact conversation I've had ever since this season began.
"Ben can't die, because if he dies then nobody comes to the island, but if nobody comes to the island that means the plane never crashed, and if the plane never crashed that means Locke never walked and Kate's in jail and oh my god my head HURTS."
Basically, Miles stated what's already been stated.
There's only ONE time-line on the island--since the island is seperated from everybody else in the world, it's easier to fuck with the past because destiny has course correction.
So, say, I was DESTINED to fall on my ass and get superpowers while rollerblading over a chemical plant.
Great.
So, the story is that on Saturday, March 3rd, I rollerbladed, fell on my ass, and got superpowers--that happened.
Now, let's say the Island 6 goes back in time and prevents me from doing this on March 3rd--good for them.
BUT--no matter how much they prevent me from blading, no matter how much they try, I will, somehow, FALL ON MY ASS and get superpowers;
maybe it won't be on March 3rd, or 4th, hell, it might happen on April 1st, but I WILL fall on my ass...
And get super-powers.
(Still with me?)
So, Ben can't die.
Now, to all those know-it-alls who thought that just because Ben was shot in the heart meant he was off the show, dissapeared from history, wiped clean (Anders)--I-told-you-so!
Shit.
(Don't hate the player, hate the game.)
Anyway, Kate saved the day by (once again) over stepping her bounds and completely tearing shit up just so she could be the hero.
She brought BenJr (with Sassy Sawyer in full Han Solo mode) to the Hostiles--and what do you know?
Out pops Guyliner.
Now, when Guyliner picked up Ben in his arms and said he was going to take him somewhere so Ben could "loose his innocence" I almost called child protection servies, but I'm SURE Guyliner ain't no Faraday.
My guess is he's going to infuse Ben with "the sickness"--aka "the smoke monster."
He will become a TOTAL other, not just an other-other (or the notoriously shady other-other-other-others.)
Creepy shit.
So, even though Kate pawned off her kid to Clarie's Mom, she's still a good person--she's going to bring Claire back (to life?) and save BenJr from the brink of death.
Isn't Kate just......TOO.MUCH?!
CALL IT LIKE YOU SEE IT:
So, Kate-Haters, did anything change for you?
I thought Evangiline Lilly did some fine work in this episode.
Where's Faraday?
We haven't seen him since he first got to the Other's camp--that was THREE YEARS AGO.
Nobody even mentions him.
W.T.F?
I'm excited to see where Sayid is hiding--maybe he's chilling with some Arbor Mist and Rose and Bernard in a sun-drenched-hope-soaked-crepe-canopy! (Or, they're all, you know, DEAD.)
And what ABOUT Guyliner? Why's he still so sexy? Is he like Peter Pan trapped in some NeverneverLand master plan (and is he SINGLE) and what's up with Jack being all snappy (I think the beard's gone straight to his brain) and does anybody else think it's NOT a good idea to put all the Losties together in a cabin to "avoid suspicion" and oh fuck this noise I'm LOST.
-ikeout
(All in one breath, people.)
So all these homies crashed on an island like three years ago and theres polar bears and smoke monsters and inter-racial-radical-relat
TELL IT LIKE IT IS:
Look, I don't HATE Kate.
I think she's a mildly interesting character who gets a lot more screen time then she deserves--but I don't HATE her.
I hate Rachel from "Friends". I hate the cast of "The O.C". Bush. Star Jones. Hitler.
I don't HATE Kate.
...That being said, Kate episodes are always the weakest.
It's, like, a rule.
Last nights episode? Maybe the weakest of the season, but still, I didn't hate it. And, a weak episode of LOST is usually better then anything else on TV (As far as, oh, I don't know, THE PEABODY AWARDS say.)-So I was totally fine with "Whatever Happened, Happened."
Now, I know my Madea meandering about Kate was totally unjusitifed, but still, when Kate was dragging Aaron around town I thought she was totally gonna throw him out of a window.
Come on.
Aaron's a whiny little brat (who eats better then I do) and Kate looked like she wanted to throw down on his sassy ass; if not Madea style then at LEAST "Mommie Dearest" esque.
But she didn't.
Turns out Kate's a far better Mother then we give her credit for.
Yes, she selfishly stole Aaron so she would have a skin-tight alibi, but she cared for him for three years--who DOES that?
Oh, that's right.
Kate does.
Now, I could mention the appearance of the hot chick from the long-con, Clarie's Grandma, etc, etc, but I think that's giving this subplot a little too much praise.
(And, let's face it. That "Long Con" chick was probably just excited to get some work, has anybody else seen her in ANYTHING besides LOST?) Didn't think so.
Meanwhile, Hurley and Miles did a wonderful job having the exact conversation I've had ever since this season began.
"Ben can't die, because if he dies then nobody comes to the island, but if nobody comes to the island that means the plane never crashed, and if the plane never crashed that means Locke never walked and Kate's in jail and oh my god my head HURTS."
Basically, Miles stated what's already been stated.
There's only ONE time-line on the island--since the island is seperated from everybody else in the world, it's easier to fuck with the past because destiny has course correction.
So, say, I was DESTINED to fall on my ass and get superpowers while rollerblading over a chemical plant.
Great.
So, the story is that on Saturday, March 3rd, I rollerbladed, fell on my ass, and got superpowers--that happened.
Now, let's say the Island 6 goes back in time and prevents me from doing this on March 3rd--good for them.
BUT--no matter how much they prevent me from blading, no matter how much they try, I will, somehow, FALL ON MY ASS and get superpowers;
maybe it won't be on March 3rd, or 4th, hell, it might happen on April 1st, but I WILL fall on my ass...
And get super-powers.
(Still with me?)
So, Ben can't die.
Now, to all those know-it-alls who thought that just because Ben was shot in the heart meant he was off the show, dissapeared from history, wiped clean (Anders)--I-told-you-so!
Shit.
(Don't hate the player, hate the game.)
Anyway, Kate saved the day by (once again) over stepping her bounds and completely tearing shit up just so she could be the hero.
She brought BenJr (with Sassy Sawyer in full Han Solo mode) to the Hostiles--and what do you know?
Out pops Guyliner.
Now, when Guyliner picked up Ben in his arms and said he was going to take him somewhere so Ben could "loose his innocence" I almost called child protection servies, but I'm SURE Guyliner ain't no Faraday.
My guess is he's going to infuse Ben with "the sickness"--aka "the smoke monster."
He will become a TOTAL other, not just an other-other (or the notoriously shady other-other-other-others.)
Creepy shit.
So, even though Kate pawned off her kid to Clarie's Mom, she's still a good person--she's going to bring Claire back (to life?) and save BenJr from the brink of death.
Isn't Kate just......TOO.MUCH?!
CALL IT LIKE YOU SEE IT:
So, Kate-Haters, did anything change for you?
I thought Evangiline Lilly did some fine work in this episode.
Where's Faraday?
We haven't seen him since he first got to the Other's camp--that was THREE YEARS AGO.
Nobody even mentions him.
W.T.F?
I'm excited to see where Sayid is hiding--maybe he's chilling with some Arbor Mist and Rose and Bernard in a sun-drenched-hope-soaked-c
And what ABOUT Guyliner? Why's he still so sexy? Is he like Peter Pan trapped in some NeverneverLand master plan (and is he SINGLE) and what's up with Jack being all snappy (I think the beard's gone straight to his brain) and does anybody else think it's NOT a good idea to put all the Losties together in a cabin to "avoid suspicion" and oh fuck this noise I'm LOST.
-ikeout
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